Saturday, February 27, 2016

A Marriage Made In Hell


Well, look who's bucking for number 2? None other than the mouth that roared.

I'll admit it, I didn't see this coming. Chris Christie endorsing Donald Trump was totally unexpected, and that's saying something given how bizarre this Republican primary season has become. To see the two of them up there on the same stage was something to behold. What a pair.  Like Frankenstein's monster and his bride. The two biggest gasbags in all of politics fawning over one another. It was enough to make you gag.

But as revolting a concept as it may be, when you stop and think about it, it's a no brainer for both men. Trump's main problem in the general - and, yes, he's winning the GOP nomination, get over it - won't be the Southern or Plain states, but the all-important swing states in the Mid-Atlantic and the Rustbelt regions. Having Christie in his corner doesn't guarantee they will go red, but it does put them within reach. Hell, Christie's presence might even put in play, dare I say it, states like Pennsylvania, long considered Democratic strongholds. In what promises to be a tightly contested election, Democrats will be forced to spend precious resources defending their home turf. Hillary will have her work cut out for her, that's for sure.

As for Christie, it's an opportunity to put another nail in Marco Rubio's coffin, while at the same time feed that enormous ego of his, which, though not nearly as large as Trump's, is significant nonetheless. Rubio, in case you missed Thursday's night's debate, er, steel cage wrestling match / Three Stooges festival, is holding on for dear life. Despite his bravado, and that of most of the Republican establishment, his campaign is running on fumes. He's even trailing Trump in his home state of Florida. If nothing else, Christie has the satisfaction of rubbing more salt in the wound he inflicted on Rubio in New Hampshire. I'll say this for him, when it comes to exacting revenge, like a good Italian, Christie really does serve it up cold.

Ever since he gave the keynote address at the 2012 Republican convention, Christie has had one thing on his mind: winning the White House. That speech wasn't about Mitt Romney, it was about him. Everything in Chris Christie's universe revolves around him. He's his own planet, no pun intended. He probably regrets not running that year; he probably thinks he could've won. Know what? He might've. And now that he can't win the presidency this year - it turns out the Republican base only has room for one egomaniac at a time - he's decided on the next best strategy: securing the number two slot.

Don't doubt for a moment that Christie didn't float the idea to Trump before deciding to endorse him. And knowing Trump, he probably assured him he'd be on the short list, ahead of, say, Gary Busey. You really didn't think he was going to pick Sarah Palin, did you? Trump may be a racist, xenophobic asshole, but he's not stupid enough to go down that rabbit hole again. Filing for bankruptcy four times is nothing compared to repeating John McCain's YUUGE mistake.

But even if Trump made no guarantees, just the fact that Christie, for the next few months, gets to shoot off his mouth on a national stage might be payment enough. Ever since the cleanup after Sandy, he's been beating his chest on what a great leader he is and all that red governor in a blue state crap and how he's transformed New Jersey from a wasteland into a garden of paradise. Now he gets to take his show on the road. Of course none of what he says will be true, but that won't matter much to the zipperheads who support Trump. If you're too dumb to know you're being played by a con man, how are you going to spot a serial liar posing as a governor?

Yep, this has been one helluva presidential campaign, and it promises to get even more hellish before it's over.

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