Bowing to pressure, both from within his own party and from the media, Thurston Howell III finally addressed the issue that has been consuming his campaign for the last few months: his tax returns.
“I did go back and look at my taxes and over the past 10 years I never paid less than 13 percent. I think the most recent year is 13.6 or something like that. So I paid taxes every single year.”
Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel a whole lot better knowing that Richie Rich has paid a whopping 13 percent in taxes over the last decade. There’s something about a multimillionaire paying less as a percentage of his income in taxes than a secretary that brings tears to my eyes. I bet Harry Reid must be feeling pretty silly right about now.
Of course I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for proof that those taxes were actually paid; I guess we’ll just have to take him at his word. After all, why would he lie? Why would anyone lie about paying so little in taxes? In fact, I can’t decide which is worse, the fact that Mitt Romney only paid 13 percent in taxes, or that he would proudly boast about it. Either way, it speaks volumes about him as a candidate.
Whether it’s his “I’m better than you” smugness or the secrecy about his past dealings that he guards as dearly as life itself, the guy just rubs you the wrong way. Maybe that’s why he decided to tab Paul Ryan as his running mate. Though the political equivalent of a toxic waste dump, he at least has a personality and genuineness to him, which is something Romney would sell his soul for, assuming he had one.
Not even Gordon Gekko would be this much of a douchebag. But then Gordon Gekko would never have been stupid enough to step out into the light of day and run for president. Vampires always avoid the sun.