Every once in a while I come across a piece so brilliant and on point, I can't let it pass. Last year it was Harry Shearer's piece called, Two Things Obama Got Wrong. Well this year, I'm giving it up for fellow blogger Tom Degan, who has stolen my thunder so to speak. Swallow hard, my fellow Caucasians. This one could hurt.
NOTE TO MINORITY READERS:
This posting is FOR WHITES ONLY. Nothing
personal but there's a conversation to be had here and it doesn't concern you.
If you're African American or Hispanic or Asian or Arab - SCRAM! Gail
Collins wrote a particularly witty piece in today's New York Times about a town
in North Dakota where the unemployment rate is at one percent. Go read that.
You'll all be welcome back with open arms when I write my next piece. Now
SCAT, ya hear?
Caucasians, now that we're alone, we need to have a good old fashioned
heart-to-heart. Four years ago America elected its first non-white president and
- to be perfectly blunt with you - a lot of you folks have reacted to
this new American reality a bit....Oh, how can I put this as delicately as
possible....Well, let me put it to you this way: you're not taking it well,
that's for damned sure! In fact since Inauguration day 2009, you've been
in full-tilt, FREAK OUT mode. I mean, hell, judging by the overreaction
of some people, you would think that the president and first lady were
Charles Manson and Squeaky Fromme! A lot of white people are acting like this is
the end of the world - and they're absolutely correct. We're coming to the end
of the old world. Like it or not (and I kinda like it) we're about to enter a
new world. Be brave. Grow up.
Now, let's all just take a deep
My fellow crackers, someday in the not-too-distant
future, we won't be in the majority anymore. In fact that day will come within
the lifespan of most of you who are now reading this. I know this must
be a bitter pill for some of you to swallow - but that's the way it is
and there's nothing we can do to alter the unalterable . There
has been such an insane, mass hissy-fit over the fact that, for the first time
in history, a black family is living in the family quarters (as opposed to the
servants quarters) of the White House. Honestly, we really need to get a
grip here, folks.
OCCUPY THE "WHITE" HOUSE!
Within a couple
months of President Obama's moving into the Executive Mansion, a movement was
formed by some of you knuckleheads for no other reason than to counter
this major, sociological shift in the American political landscape. I'm
referring to the so called "Tea Party" mob. You know who you are! Your
reaction to this moderate administration (referring to it as "socialist" for
instance) has teetered between the absurd and the comical. Well, I've got
good news and bad news for you....
THE GOOD NEWS: Your reaction to
this administration's very existence has been so insanely stupid, I fear it will
be another generation or so before reasonable people dare to elect another
person of color to the presidency.
THE BAD NEWS: By the end of
this century - maybe even half-way into this century - a lily-white chief
executive will be as rare as an 8-Track tape player in a Chevy
White Americans, we need to come to terms with the future. We've
got to stop living in this silly state of denial. What are we so afraid of? Why
are we so paranoid? We have nothing to fear. Absolutely nothing! It's not like
we spent the last four-hundred years being anything but benevolent and
humanitarian keepers to our black brothers and sisters....
We should not expect them to be as cruel
and as stupid as most of us were for all of the centuries we ran things. And
besides, at least we never tried to deny them full participation in our
democracy! And it's not as if we refused them the opportunity for a good and
decent education....oh dear....
"Someday there will be an
all-black judge and an all-black jury and then....'Shit! There all black! HOW THE HELL AM I
GONNA GET A FAIR SHAKE WITH AN ALL-BLACK JURY???' You're not. Ha! Ha!
There's gonna be alotta dues, Jim!"-Lenny Bruce
sun shines bright on mah ol' Kentucky home
'Tis summer and the honkies are
I was just kidding. Lenny was just kidding, too. The thing is,
some of us have a little more faith in the essential
humanity of our darker skinned siblings than some of you do. Not to worry;
you'll find out what I'm talking about soon enough. In a couple of decades the
Great White Father of old will be showing us the menu and busing our tables.
That indeed is something to look forward to. Mah! Mah! The ol' plantation
sho' has changed!
God gave Noah the
No more water
The fire next time
sad that people who are not
white need to wait until they are no longer "minorities" in order to receive
equal protection under the law (At present they don't have that protection - and
you're kidding yourselves if you think that they do. Just look at the prison
population). But as long as they have waited, I don't think they'll have to wait
much longer. As uncle Bobby said, "The old world is rapidly fading. Please get
out of the new one if you can't lend your hand". Or as Sam Cooke sang
nearly fifty years ago, "a change is gonna come". Sam didn't live to see that
change. Bob Dylan probably will live to see it. In fact, we're damned-near
there. We have no other choice but to accept it. The history of the next century
will primarily be the story of how well (or badly) white America dealt with that
inevitable change. Deal with it well, my friends. History will smile upon
Aw, cheer up! It won't be so bad. I promise!